How to throw a tantrum

I don't remember ever throwing tantrums when I was little.  My mom says I didn't throw many.  I was whiny, like Madison, but I did not throw tantrums like Madison does.

Most people do not believe me when I say that Madison can throw tantrums worthy of awards, but I promise you, she can, and does.  She could win the gold medal in Length of Tantrum, Decibel Level of Tantrum, and, most recently, Creativity of Excuses Used while Throwing a Tantrum. Last night she went on for almost an hour because we told her she needed to clean up the huge mess that she purposely made in the living room before we had dinner.  She screamed and cried and was put in time out and then she started in on excuses as to why she couldn't clean up her toys: "I'm too tired", "I'm thirsty", "I'm hungry", "I'm cold", "I have to go potty".  And then, just when I thought she was out of excuses, she proved me wrong and insisted that she was "too frightened."  Dinner was over and cleaned up before she got around to picking up her toys.

I thought we were done with the terrible twos and I was congratulating myself on making it through! For a while Madison was a perfect, amiable, obedient child.  And then she entered the stage that my neighbor calls the trying threes and let me tell ya, I think it's just as bad as the terrible twos.  The difference between these two stages is that over the last year or so Madison has developed reasoning skills.  So now her tantrums are not mere fits of incoherent screaming, oh no, now she screams and cries and yells insults and argues and makes up excuses and pretty much turns into a monster.

And so I must say that from my sweet little daughter Madison I have finally learned to throw tantrums.  See this is where it gets tricky, because sometimes when it's close to dinner time on a Thursday night and I'm tired and Chris hasn't seen the kids since Sunday night and Jaxon is trying to climb up onto the kitchen table and I drop a chair on my big toe I feel like throwing a tantrum, too.  And I look at Madison and envy her ability to simply let all of her emotions out, no matter how completely illogical they are.

So maybe next time things aren't going my way I'll just lay down on the floor and beat my fists on the ground and scream out ridiculous excuses and I ask anyone present to just look the other way!